How quickly we reply, how active we really are in chats – many people misjudge their own behavior. Researchers at Bielefeld University have, for the first time, used anonymized WhatsApp metadata to make such misperceptions visible. Their study shows that personalized, data-based feedback can help people better understand their own communication habits. An important building block for digital well-being and successful relationships.

Digital communication shapes everyday life, yet many people know surprisingly little about how they themselves communicate via chat. “Some believe they reply too slowly, others think they always write more than everyone else. Our data show that these assumptions are often inaccurate,” says study author Olya Hakobyan from Bielefeld University. Together with Professor Dr. Hanna Drimalla, she has now published the research in the journal Computers in Human Behavior.

To gain reliable insights into actual communication behavior, the researchers developed their own data donation platform. It anonymises WhatsApp metadata, i.e. not chat content, but information such as response times or message lengths, and presents the data in individualized visualizations. For the first time, participants were able to see how their actual behavior compared with their self-assessment.

Data instead of gut feeling
Previous research on messaging behavior has mostly relied on surveys. Such self-reports are subjective and often unreliable. The Bielefeld study demonstrates just how inaccurate self-perceptions can be and how they can be improved. Many participants significantly adjusted their view of their response speed after seeing the visualizations. They also assessed their own share in chat conversations more realistically after receiving data-based feedback.

Why this matters for everyday life
Misconceptions can strain relationships, for example when someone believes they always reply too late. The study shows that precise feedback can correct such misunderstandings. At the same time, it suggests that these insights are emotionally manageable: Participants’ moods remained stable, even when some of their assumptions were clearly corrected.

The findings provide a rare, data-driven look at the social dynamics of digital communication. They suggest how personal visualizations can help people become more aware of their own behavior, an approach that extends far beyond WhatsApp. Because those who better understand their communication patterns can cultivate more mindful and satisfying digital relationships in the long term.

It is still possible to receive feedback on one’s own WhatsApp data as well as Facebook data as part of several ongoing studies. An overview of the ongoing studies using the Dona data donation platform is available here.